Monday, May 26, 2008♥

i wish things were so much simpler. i haven been blogging. i hate to blog now.

while watching tv. i tot thru alot of things. maybe things really cant work out..or the biggest prob is me. i wish i could tell you how stressed up i am these few weeks.when i am alone.. i felt worse. the only reason i stop myself from doing so is cus i dun wan to receive replies like.. exams sure stressed wan .. u have to learn to take stress.. i wan my bf to pei me to destress me to make me feel better..but in some other ways i am misunderstood.. i really cant take it today thats y i persist u to come despite ur gums are bleeding.. i know u partly dun wan to come is cus i piss u off.. u dun have to deny that part and insist that i dun understand u or i think only abt myself.. wad could be worse than ur gf begging u to pei her?there are alot of things that we do which piss each other off..we have too much misunderstanding alr.. i nv feel good making u angry or upset.. i am more emotional and i will only feel much worse off than you.. no man could be violent verbally pr physically to his gf. the only reason i can think of such behaviour is that he dun love her as much.. i did make many mistakes.. did many wrong things..
it pains me that u actually initate breakup.if u dun mean it u wun say it.. u are tired.. i know. u always say i dun listen to wad u are saying but actually i rem everyword u said to me.all have an impact on me.. i make u angry. make childish decisions and piss u off.i swear i nv did them purposely..with all the stress and pms. i couldnt stop myself. its not an excuse.. u know very well that i love u alot.. wad could be worse than u saying u wan a breakup but i know in some ways.. i am really not good enuff for u.. perhaps u really make the right choice.like u always say we have different thinkings.. and u always say u are fed up talking to me.u always say i dun understand and i dun put myself in ur shoes. did u ?i felt sad that u left me when i am having my exams.. the most stressful period and i needed u the most.. only u can give me comfort..i feel so much better when i see u.. and a hug from u makes me happy..

just hope i can ace my exams this time.. (=

and pls pray that i can be a strong girl ok?

i am in my room. very humid and i am feeling really uncomfy and lonely. everyone is quiet.

i am real stressed and tired.. i need to study more.

i need extra concern and i long for special love.. badly.

thank you for the pretty pair shoes you got for me. appreciate it lots.

i am hesitating if i should make this really delicious chocolate fondant..

i turned downed an event for tml...a little reluctant though.

i swear i was not trying to find fault or bored or sian.. somba it will not happen again.

when everyone is asleep.. i am wide awake.. geex.

today i learnt that my ex classmate(not very close though) committed suicide cus she thinks that her life is meaningless..

life can be meaningless unless we can find the right things to do and a goal to work towards(i'm glad i've a goal).. try not to take things too hard cus it will only make our lives more miserable..accepting wadever thats in-front-of-u is an essential survival tool.it will only make things worse if u insist things to go ur way all the time.. but on the other hand it could also make u look like a pushover, or someone who cant make ur own decisions.. hahaha.. give and take? unfortunately,it dun exist all the time

i believe there will be a time when my boss will scold me for making mistakes at work and blame me for all "fatal" conquences.. wad can i do? apologise!!!... and then suck thumb? and tolerate even though u may not think that it entirely ur fault.. definitely, i cant inisist that its not fault cus to my boss, its only excuses.. cant show him that disapproval face, cant scold him back right.. just accept one of the 2 possibilities..either get fired or clear up the mess and continue working but be extra cautious. i shall give myself the benefit of doubt that my boss is tired, stressed or wadever dumb reasons that can happen.. i wun say i have a very high tolerance level.. but i can say that my tolerance level is definitely higher than in the past.. and i jolly well know that there are alot of pple who can put on a very pretty mask to prevent the exposure of their true colours esp in the working society... could anyone get me a mask pls? i have a weakness for showing off my emotions and mood easily.. tsk tsk tsk. bad!

nevertheless, theres still a long way to correct myself in one way or another... (=

to survive in this cold and real society, there are many many things i have to really change and adapt.

i am happy with myself..cus i know i am progressingly changing..over time, i realised that being over emotional or over sensitive is just an immature stink.commenting less and filtering certain stuffs are what i need to work on..

i wun blame anyone cus i know that theres a need to change to wadever the reality wants me to be.. to make life easier..

sounds serious?

gone are the days when i am a young girl who knows nothing but hehe haha...

life has been pretty much the same..

i am happy to have these great sisters... esp when we seldom meet(say once every few months)..they will still drop me a sms and ask how i am doing.. it may be a simple gesture but its really sweet. =)

life's hard and only closing one eye can make life easier.

shag out..

i do not know how to shift the slideshow to the left side of my blog.. i do not know how to archive my posts!! zzz.. i need help!

but i quite like my slideshow though. nice?

i am such a technology dinosaur.. i just learnt how to zip my files and it takes a freaking long time to upload the zip file to an email.. either my lappie lags or the internet connection sux big time!!!

i am ultra super tired and i feel like sleeping now.. but i cant.. i got so much things to do.. i need to study! my back is aching and my BM had slept. late nights are esp quiet on weekdays.

i had a super long tuition session today. i nv really like giving tuition cus i dun really have alot of patience.. but time simply passed so fast when i teach joel.

i went grocery shopping at cold storage today.. its something i really enjoy doing.. and i found this instant kway chap!! gosh.. they are my fav when i am really young and i know my cousins love them too.. there were more flavours back then. heex. i miss tom yum soup so much..... =(

need to chop chop do my things alr..

"HE IS MY BIG MAN AND I AM HIS SMALL WOMAN!"

i got a NEW BABY!! check it out......

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TA DAH!!!!

its "qi zai"

i fell in love with this cutey after watching cj7 at my grandma hse ytd.. and my B.M bought it for me at cine.LOL. i am such a childish girl! but i like it so much.. (= tks!

ytd was qing ming and as usual.. me and my relatives went to pay respects for my ancestors. and after that.. we went back to my grandma hse for lunch.. and i went off to town to meet my B.M to study cum shop.he bought my dodo lashes!! tks! i think i would want to try out invoi lashes! they have the super dolly type that i always wanted but out of stock. sadded. i bought dinner for my B.M.heex and we watched "Untraceable" at Cine. we seldom watch movie there.. and now i prefer to watch movies and GV marina or vivo.. the seats are spacious with alot of legroom.. and its not infested with so many youngsters! i still prefer to go town to watch movie late at night.. and then to supper or somewhere nice to chill out..

and the highlight of the day was my ultra crude joke.. why are malay girls always so skinny?? hahaha....

i have to help my tutee to do her research for her history project and her art.. and i have printed all the stuffs for her.. and i nv really enjoy doing projects in the past. cus it always unproductive project meeting sessions with lotsa gossipings and nonsense!and end up we have to rush like mad when the deadline is nearing.. and i am quite relieved that i dont have to do any project now..

i have yet to complete my task for tim..

but i feel kinda comforted that i have sorted study for my POA. understand so much better alr. and i finally understand the meaning of balancing balance sheet.(the most basic of POA) LOL. been so dumb all these while.. in the past duirng my secondary sch days..

tml is monday. another start of a week.. =( and in 1 mth's time.. i will sitting for my exams after everyone else is done with exams.. i am sad that when everyone is playing i will be studying but i am glad that i have more time to study..

drinking my mocha latte now.. and how i wish i could have 1 donut factory's double choco donut melting in my mouth.. or.. Chirpy's beer battered fish and chips?

p.s : m1 makes my blood boils with its trademark of providing inconsistent internet connection!

exams are coming.. (ABSOLUTELY NEED TO STOP PROCRASTINATING!)

i've spent time planning and trying to do something.at least.appreciate?

i think i have perhaps become more independent.. and perhaps more courageous to face wads ahead of me..

instead of just following my heart.. everything i do now must be guided by my mind. i must learn to think. preferably the smart way.

exams are just ard the corner.. i cant wait for the whole thing to be over.. or i cant wait to graduate..

dear is stressed.. i think i will be even more stressed than him when mine is nearing.. zzz. i hope my stress wun affect my temper.. dear jia you ok..

ytd was the first time i go for a 8.30am lesson in sim..finally a normal timing to go sch. LOL.. going to sch and going home together after sch with my dear is like.... kinda 'sweet'.. wonder wad it be like to be in the same sch and same classes every day. hahaha..like secondary sch couples.

my dear is going to help me do some of my PA work during my exams..and that makes him my PA.hahaha.. then who is my dear's PA? heex. dun worry.. he wun be a free labour.. hopefully he will be more productive than me.. then we'll have more money for our hols.. yay!

i am alittle sad that the 9pm show is ending.. we've been consistently chasing after the drama.. sounds crazy but we simply loveee it..

and i cant wait for sat.... i am going to bring my dear out... Yippies.. *jumping up and down*

HAPPY 14TH MONTHIVERSARY!!!!
loves u forever and ever.. and we're finally going to eat the long awaited hougang plaza's western food.. abit cheapo though.. hahahah.. but we need to save save save alot !!!

i cant slp! either too much slp during the past few days or too much coffee in the day..

i cant decide if i should go for hair extensions..??

and i am listening to this song by ella.. hao gou gou.. hao gou gou. xie xie ni pei mummy zhe mo jiu.ni bing mei you li kai wo.. zi pan dao tian tang shen huo...... and the stupid dog is call qiang qiang..silly song!!

i have been studying for 2 hrs.. very sianz..

i am going to get 2 piggy banks tml. one for me and the other for dear.. at the end of each mth, we will count the coins together ok? quite fun hor and we can at least save abit this way...

i will get crazy thinking of how to save.. lol..

this june .. there's Great Singapore Sales!! sure got alot of best buys that u and i cant resist..

this july.. we have 2 trips..
genting trip : we need 400 each.(hope we win alot at the casino to fund our bangkok trip)
bangkok trip : we need 1k each..

and on top of that.. i would like to go for a batam trip to relax before a new sch term starts..we can go for spa and feast together.. and of cus. to buy doughnuts.

hahahaha... any tips on how to rob the bank without getting caught? i need a job badly.. and many well-paid events..

dear this holiday.. lets aim to save at least 1k... for our future.. (=

i want to change and transform my room totally.. lol. i need to get a new cupboard and a bigger bed.. and a nicer coat of paint. and have a mini corner to slack.. (beach theme? or princessy theme?)wait till my hols.. i must do something abt it..

i want to go to so many places during my hols.. i would like to go to a beach resort with my dear.. and bangkok with my dear.. hope we win alot of money at Genting ok. i want to go on a big feast.. with a super wide spread of delicious food in front of me..

i fell in love with escada moon sparkle 's fragance..it smells soooo sweet. (my dear says my blog is my wish list and he will get it for me.. LOL!!)

yes yang meh meh!!.. we can go shopping someday.. and show me that gorgeous burberry bag!sikali i also fall in love with it.. and i will start dreaming of having one.. apart from getting high over clothes and bags.. rem we were very HIGH over manicures and pedicures.. and how crazy u were over turquoise colour. LOL. getting attached could be a good thing.. so dun dread abt it.. at least he is there for you all the time, sad, happy, angry,vexed, pmsing..its nice to have someone to love and to shower ur love to .. and its romantic to have that tian mi mi feeling.but sometimes couples do quarrel and be upset with each other.. and after understanding each other more.. alot of things could be resolved.. (= its time to get attached.. esp since u have 200% gotten over him. heex.

Sometimes I feel terribly old to be 23 and sometimes I feel that I’ve not grown up, according to someone.. LOL.. i am scared sometimes on how time passes by so fast.. and soon.. i have to take my exams..i dread that... very very very much..

i am miss ing u alot. just feel tat i shld tell u this that i really love u alot although so many things had happened. i feel that is bcos i love u alot. no matter wad happen, u are always the one i think of and the one i want to love..

awww... sweet! thank you. (=

i found my purple furry shoes finally.. really happy and that pair of shoes means alot to me. (=

i miss sch suddenly.. weird? its been some time since i went sch alr..and i look forward to seeing my grandma tml..

i promised myself that from tonight and every nights from now.. i must do at least 100 sit ups.. but on tired nights.. min 50 situps. LOL.. and the next thing is to buy a skipping rope..

now.. i just dun mind alot of things alr.. guess it will makes me a better person?

anyway.. i have a super smart fren who can skip yr in uni.and still can get 1st class honours.omg.i feel stupid.. or rather not as smart. hahha.

today is my dearest vivian's bday.. i hope i can find something nice for her as a belated present.

yang meh meh.. isnt it sweet to have so many guys going after and showering you with their love..and busy dating.. enjoy life huh. (=

i have an event tml.jacq make it sound until its so 'fun' and i decided to drag sherry to do it with me.lol.hopefully we get selected and get to work together.dear was right that i was tempted to work cus its 20bucks per hr and the money earned can pay for my genting trip... (=

from jumbo, downgraded to mayflower's crabs... and downgraded to home-cooked crabs.abit sad but the money could be used to fund my dear's Itouch..sounds practical?but its ok.. we still have a surprise in the morning.. that should make up ba.

initially i wanted a longchamp bag very much.. but i think i should just get a charles and keith bag.. some of their newer bags are quite pretty..and its less than 50 bucks(4 times cheaper than a longchamp bag).. but bag can wait.. i am dying to do my hair extensions.. since so long ago..isnt it gorgeous to have long and pretty curls?hopefully i can get them done before 5th april..

since the day we got together, i've alr placed my whole heart with you and i just hope that you will love and care for me truly each day. i wun look back to see what you had done for me.. but i will always look forward each day to see what you will do for me.. i am trying my best to be that perfect girl/gf to take care of you the rest of your life.. loves you always.

its a bluey monday. mondays are always so boring to me.

but i look forward to weekends. i need to get a pair of pretty shoes.. badly!

and i need to get some facial products.. my face is rotting.. and i dun wan someone to puke at my face when he kiss kiss me.. lol.


and i am going to have a baby cousin this weekend. dear u must go with me to see this baby ok. and i want to get some cutey stuffs for her.

and i cant wait for my june hols to come..

she is such a bitch.. and she will always be deemed as a bitch. puiz!

digressing.....

weekend was good but alittle tired.. actually it was a long(but fun) and i-nv-study-at-all weekend. hahahaha

thurs: i had tuition and then it was kelvin's bday celebration.dear waited for me at kovan mrt for more than half an hr and it was a great effort for him to come all the way from boonlay to wait for me.(rarely!lol) but plenty of thanx dear. heartx u! i had a nice dinner at fish and co. i love the seafood platter for 2. i ate alot until someone says... "dear u still can eat ah?"sobz. after dinner was ktv with them. it was really fun.. and super hilarious. hmmm.. and the last time i went for ktv was abt a yr ago.. and it was on kelvin's bday too..

fri : wakey early and went church with dear and his family. and we had lunch at imperial treasure after that.yumz. and we went back to dear's hse and slpt. we were just so tired and i feel good after that dreamless 2hrs nap.. and dinner was homed cooked by dear.. creamy pasta.. so delicious. and at night .. as usual.. we went night driving and we watched Vantage Point. i like the movie alot..very exciting.. it has been a looooong time since we last watched a movie at vivo's gv max.its so comfy and i simply love the spacious leg room. excellent choice by my dear.. we explored a super duper pretty and romantic place to chill out.. but too bad it was closed by the time we reached there.. imagine sipping wine or a hot latte while the cool wind blowing at ur face..enjoying the pretty night scenry and when you are looking out into the sea, you see the gorgeous yatches right in front of you.. isnt it an amazing place to chill out with ur loved ones? marina by keppel bay!!! here i come.......... soon. (=

sat : wake up quite early and we had lunch with my good frens at miss clarity cafe..and we went to watch WaterHorse after that.. heartwarming movie.. and it was raining super super heavily after the movie.. so cold. was supposed to study at taka library after that but they had moved on...... wad de. and will only reopen in yr 2010. choy! by then i would have graduated!!! and i kinda look forward to step into the working society..breaking away from my current situation and achieving a higher standard of living for myself. (=

i am so going to have a perfect bday this yr! heheh... cus i dun wan to just have a dinner with dear and close frens..i find it so boring and i want something totally different!!princessy bday of the yr???!!! hahahah.. and i swear i wun have any lousy club bday celebration(at dblo?)geez! any special idea?

made up. happy already. (=


its great to have MOBTV account.. hahahahhahah

i admit that i am not understanding at times.. i will try to be more understanding but it definitely helps if only u can sometimes understand alittle abt why i react this way..

rem how u reacted when i din turn up at ur place after i met my sisters for dinner? i understand how u feel and i know i kept apologising

you said u dun see any future?

i felt like a loser when i only know how to cry and cry and cry and cry. and its worse when everyone else think that i am the cause for all the consequences.